So, now I realize how falling between the two stools feels like! It’s truly frustrating when a train of thought takes you to different stations, your mind is on a roller coaster, desperate to reach a conclusion.
It all started in the office when I was browsing the web to find something to write on. After a few minutes of net surfing for writing, I stumbled upon an article that said “Love alone is not enough in a relationship”! After long, I read something with great interest as it caught my attention!
And the question struck, how can someone say that? Is it another “relationship expert” kind of thing that will leave you loving (or hating) yourself and the relationship you are into? Or it will leave you with a bundle of thoughts, worries, concerns, nervousness, and all those anxious feelings that you get when you see a happy couple on Facebook with a big smile on their faces, “the love of my life” type of copy-pasted caption?
Colloquially, I wonder who goes to check whether that “Made for each other on Facebook couple” is kicking each others’ asses in the night saying- “You are the biggest mistake of my life”.
Sometimes, I feel social media is full of happy faces with sad hearts, God knows!
And that’s how a simple thought makes your mind full of mess! it makes you forget what you have been talking about, moving back to the topic, it’s simple, whether love in a relationship is enough, or not!
The “love alone is not enough” article tried to convince me that there are other factors that contribute to a successful relationship, calling it the ingredients necessary for a healthy relationship which included:
Love cannot fill in for self-respect, commitment or humility–values!
So, these are the ingredients that have been told necessary along with love in a relationship, the dish really smells good, so I decided to stir it my way, ingredient-wise!
Yeah, I know I may not be a recognizable chef when it comes to cooking for relationships, but yes, at least I can prepare a cup of coffee that couples can enjoy!
Love is all you need or Love alone is not enough?
Back in my mind, I’m wondering why these pre-existing elements of love have been separated? They\re all an integral part of a relationship, they’re all an integral part of love, that’s the damn main course, not a starter or dessert.
Ingredient 1: Self-respect!
As the article said, love, can’t fill in for self-respect, of course, it won’t when a couple will have separate self-respects! Yes, I’m trying to explain the difference between “you and me”, and “us”! When you are in love, you already know the commitment you need, the respect you need to share, and a couple and you already know the humanity-values you both share, and trust me, the right person will never harm it.
Ingredient 2: Communication
Meet one of the most blamed victims of a broken relationship, the ingredient is called communication. Setting your emotions, your thoughts, and your mind is important in any relationship, and if you don’t, the blame-game begins!
Yeah, it can a while or sometimes long to understand each others’ feelings and emotions (or sometimes long) but it doesn’t mean you need to stop communicating. And, if you are with the right person, communication finds its way, in a day or two, maybe a week or so, but it does!
Ingredient 3: Compatibility
I feel it’s a practical thing, you can’t fall in love with someone you’re not compatible with. Compatibility simply means that you get along with somebody very well, you enjoy each other’s company. It’s about the comfort you feel when you’re together, it feels safe, holding hands, being in each other’s arms, when you sleep peacefully holding each other or even a simple look into each other’s eyes, the desire to be with that person all the time, It also has an emotional and sexual nature, all the best feelings of the world that you can’t get with someone else is compatibility!
So, if you are among those lucky couples who all these above-mentioned awesome feelings in your relationship, your relationship is worth going above and beyond to be together!
Compatibility doesn’t mean finding someone who checks all the boxes, you may not like the same food, but having similar views on marriage and kids is more important!
Ingredient 4: Appreciation
Expecting appreciation in a relationship is common, but again, it makes me think about how it’s different and not a part of love. When you are with the right person, the appreciation comes from within, the willingness to do something new comes from within, the willingness to try stupid things to see each other happy comes from within, the willingness to be together despite all the highs and lows comes from within, and it all comes from within because someone within you is your true love, someone within you is all that you need!
Sometimes, you need to look deep inside your heart, all the whats, whys, and whens are hidden in your willingness, sometimes, you already know the answers and all you need is to look deep inside your heart!
Such an endless debate! Now, I would like to sum it up here!
So, finally, I’m no more caught between the two stools, I have come to the conclusion that “if it’s not enough, it’s not true love!”
Love has in-build respect, love finds its way to communicate, love is already compatible, and love is an appreciation that comes from within, love is love, it’s pure, it’s eternal!
“Loving someone gives you goosebumps and ‘butterflies’ in your stomach,”
Note: I’m not a relationship expert, so you have the freedom to disagree, your relationship is purely your responsibility, no articles, no relationship videos or no relationship expert can walk in your shoes, only a couple knows the things they go through to build and nurture a relationship, only you, the couples know better how to make things work when it’s all messy! Work on your relationship until you fit like the two pieces of a puzzle!